Mortgage & Motherhood - 3 kids, 2 lives and 1 thing I know for sure

One Plus Two

I started my career at the ripe age of 22; fresh out of college, no job prospects and completely broke. I happened upon a real estate company that needed to turn their hard copies digital. (can you believe we used to have paper real estate files? Crazy).  I was beyond excited to go to my "big girl job". I raided my Mom's closet for business attire just to scan documents in a basement every day for minimum wage.  I loved it. I read the files, learned the terms and watched the realtors in awe. I wanted to be like them, dress like them, talk like them. I was hooked.

A position opened up as an Internal Sales Associate, which is just a fancy term for "you're going to be a dialer and make 100 calls every single day no matter what". Sign me up. At least it got me out of the basement, I thought. Two weeks into the job I was suddenly head over heels in love with real estate.

6 months later, 2 pink lines rocked my world. I was unprepared, terrified and completely adamant that I would keep working. I wore heels the day my water broke at work and Oakley became an office baby for the first few years of his life. I realized very early on that you can in fact work, and be a Mom if you so choose.

By the time the twins came into existence, I had switched to the darkside and was a full blown loan officer starting a new chapter of my real estate career.  I was prepared for one, but two? Two wasn't part of the plan. I was in a meeting hours before my emergency C section and was sending pre-approval letters from the NICU the next day.  I could sit there, anxiety ridden or work. So I worked from the hospital until Dashel and Lyla were able to come home.

Working is my calm, it is my happy place, it is my favorite thing to do when I'm sad, it is my peace. For years I caught myself fiercely defending my life to people who chose another path. I would over explain myself, to strangers shocked that we had a nanny and against close friends who urged me to stay home. Ultimately I found myself saying these things out loud to reassure myself that it was possible to have a career that you are passionate about, and be a good mom.

Whiplash

It has been 9 years since my first day in real estate company and I am still so excited to go to work every single day.  This is, in large part, due to the people I get to work with, my clients and the simple fact that I'm obsessed with my job. Most days are filled with phone calls, lunch appointments, an unimaginable amount of coffee, and the occasional happy hour followed by dinner, bath and about 15 bedtime stories and then pass out and do it all again. 

I sometimes find myself living two lives, split personality. The woman who manages a company, wears heels everyday and helps her clients obtain homeownership - I see her assertive, passionate and business like. And the other woman, mom bun, yoga pants, chasing 3 kids around the park - I see her soft, playful, and adventurous. Whiplash. Both exhausted opposites, two halves making me whole. I love them both and it works for me.

I struggled for a very long time to find the perfect balance that society urges us to reach- work/life, mortgage/motherhood, but much like society's common expectation of a woman, I found that balance wildly unattainable. It's more of a pendulum.  Somedays I have 3 meals a day and drink enough water, days it's coffee until wine is acceptable. I make it home for dinner every night, but more often than not, it's Kraft and dino chicken nugs. We are expected to work, raise the kids, eat healthy, make dinner, do the laundry, show up pretty and, and, and, the list goes on. It took years of pretending that i had it all together just to fall apart and in that moment I finally decided to give up the act and show up as me.

I am not a Pinterest mom. I am not a PTA mom. I am not a soccer mom. I hate cooking. I am good at solving a math problem. I am good loan officer. I know my guidelines. I can piece together a pre-approval in 10 minutes. I don't like birthday parties. Our laundry pile is never ending and my kids are typically wearing mismatched socks. I work every weekend but my clients sometimes hear my kids screaming in the background.  I recorded myself singing on my iphone, so that I can walk away after a few song and the kids still think I'm singing - true story. Some days I crush it at work. Other days I'm Mom of the year. There's beauty in the madness.

One thing I know for sure

Real talk? It's hard. But who said it would be easy? I think we were fooled by the idea that happiness equates to ease and balance means 50/50 but that's just not the case. For me, happiness is being excited to wake up in the morning and start your day; on repeat. 

I know a lot of insanely successful women, moms and entrepreneurs in the real estate industry and I used to look at women like that and think, "man, she has it all together". They do, but I finally figured out how and why. I noticed that the women who show up strong and confident and beautiful are fully present in the moment that they are in. There may be mountains of laundry, dishes in the sink, but at that coffee appointment, your girl is on fire. The women I admire give themselves grace. They have accepted who they are and what they're not and slay in their lane accordingly.

When I'm at work, I am there for my team, my clients and referral partners. When I'm home, I am Mommy, and messy and fun. I get to be both. If my kids need me in the middle of the day, I'm there. If a client needs a pre-approval letter after hours, I send it. And that is the beauty of the job.  I am always Mom, and I'm always a loan officer. The pendulum swings and I do my very best to just be fully present, wherever I am, whichever role I am playing in that moment.

I am no longer ashamed of the "nanny hand off"- ya know, where you pick the kids up after work, give them dinner and another nanny comes to help so you can race to your night meeting. CHAOS and even though mom guilt is real, I get about 5 seconds to pause and then we're on to the next task at hand. The kids are happy, loved and fed and that's a major win in my book.

One thing I know for sure, there are no days off in motherhood and there are also no days off in mortgage, but I'd choose this life a thousand times over.

Ashlee Cameron

Branch Manager/Loan Officer

NMLS 1377661

360-900-9590